4 Months Old

Our baby boy is four months old today. In three more days he will (if all goes well) officially become a Pell, though he was ours from the moment we saw his picture almost three months ago. I have meant to post each month and missed his two and three month “birthdays”. I think that part of me doesn’t even want to think about these missed days. I can’t pull out a calendar and mark down his accomplishments for the month as I don’t know them. I can’t write something he can read later about his personality or the things he is doing as I don’t know. My heart aches to know him. I remember this feeling when I was carrying my daughter Emma. The month before she was born I was so anxious to just meet her. I felt her, but I didn’t know her. When she came into this world it was instant love but it took a while to really get to know who she was. I feel the same about John. I haven’t felt him, but it is harder as I have seen him in pictures. Not the fuzzy ultrasound kind. But the real clear kind. The kind that changes with each picture that we get. The kind that reminds us that he is really out there getting older and we have not been there to watch this growth. I can’t wait for the day that we will meet. The day we will see with our own eyes our baby we have seen in pictures. The day we will begin to really know him. To know his unique personality. His likes his dislikes. His funny quirks, his gummy smile. Happy four month birthday baby boy…….